TBT - Evil Incarnate
https://basementmtl.blogspot.com/2014/05/tbt-evil-incarnate.html
You know how people say that if you want to ruin a friendship, then go play Monopoly? Well those people have never tried Top Shop...Monopoly's evil cousin. When I used to work at a Microplay like 8 years ago, we of course sold used games. One day my co-worker found this game, and I felt compelled to try it. I have absolutely no clue why mind you since all our lives would have been better off if this game never came into existence. It's not a bad game, but it is pure evil.
It plays much the same way as Monopoly, but instead of buying land and erecting some form of lodging, you open up stores in a mall and force people to buy your wares. If the game only played out like this, then it would essentially just be a massive clone. Instead the developers introduced a point system to the game, which is where the source of all evil in this world emanates from.
Landing on a store after you roll the dice forces the player to buy something from said store (if there is any stock left). If you're lucky you'll accumulate 1 point; If you have a horse shoe nestled in your rectum, then you may get 2 points. These points can be used for any number of things from opening up a store (at random) for free to collecting X number of dollars from the bank (the Go! tile equivalent from Monopoly) where X is dependent on how many points you spend. That is all fine a dandy but unfortunately, you can also be a huge douche bag with your points: you can close people's stores at random; you can steal money, you can change someone's direction so that they start moving away from the bank and one of my personal favourites; you can do a random money exchange, which that one guy in last always does; etc.
This game only ever comes up in conversation once every few years (yes I still own it, I have yet to burn it to ashes), mainly because you sort of forget how harmful it is to play. Someone will be like "Hey, remember Top Shop? We should totally play that this weekend". If we're smart, we say no, but if we all feel especially self loathing that week, we may agree.
My fondest memory from playing Top Shop isn't even of playing it; it was shortly after ending a game. It was probably around 2 a.m. and I had said, "So who wants to play again?", which garnered no replies. After a few moments of pure silence, I said, "I don't hear any nos". Suffice to say, we did not play Top Shop again for another few years.
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| M-M-M-Mustache |
It plays much the same way as Monopoly, but instead of buying land and erecting some form of lodging, you open up stores in a mall and force people to buy your wares. If the game only played out like this, then it would essentially just be a massive clone. Instead the developers introduced a point system to the game, which is where the source of all evil in this world emanates from.
Landing on a store after you roll the dice forces the player to buy something from said store (if there is any stock left). If you're lucky you'll accumulate 1 point; If you have a horse shoe nestled in your rectum, then you may get 2 points. These points can be used for any number of things from opening up a store (at random) for free to collecting X number of dollars from the bank (the Go! tile equivalent from Monopoly) where X is dependent on how many points you spend. That is all fine a dandy but unfortunately, you can also be a huge douche bag with your points: you can close people's stores at random; you can steal money, you can change someone's direction so that they start moving away from the bank and one of my personal favourites; you can do a random money exchange, which that one guy in last always does; etc.
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| All the stores come with their very own custodian |
This game only ever comes up in conversation once every few years (yes I still own it, I have yet to burn it to ashes), mainly because you sort of forget how harmful it is to play. Someone will be like "Hey, remember Top Shop? We should totally play that this weekend". If we're smart, we say no, but if we all feel especially self loathing that week, we may agree.
My fondest memory from playing Top Shop isn't even of playing it; it was shortly after ending a game. It was probably around 2 a.m. and I had said, "So who wants to play again?", which garnered no replies. After a few moments of pure silence, I said, "I don't hear any nos". Suffice to say, we did not play Top Shop again for another few years.
